After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
