Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
