Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
