I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
