Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
