I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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