we're blogging at a bar
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
