Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
