ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
