Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
