We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize