I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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