Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
