I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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