I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
