Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
