It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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