You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
