dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
