Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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