he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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