he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
