Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober January is a disaster.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize