i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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