you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
