you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
