Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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