Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
