The maid of honor just puked.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
