I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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