I wish I could punch you in the face.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
