pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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