and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
