Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
