You're earring is so big in my mouth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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