shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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