do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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