if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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