So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
