Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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