Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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