Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
