I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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