You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
