Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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