i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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