Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
