i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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