Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
