my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
