I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
