Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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