We're facebook friends in real life
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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