the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
