so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
