Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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