I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're so nebulous sometimes
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
