I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
