the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
