Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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