I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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