So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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