cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
