craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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