Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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