I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
