i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Randomize
