I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
